My 30’s are not the new 20’s!

My husband and I finally had a “date night” about two months ago. It’s been a very long time since we have gone out other than our once a month bowling league without the kiddos. We made dinner reservations with 4 other friends of ours and then we were going to go check out a cover band. I thought about taking a nap that day knowing I would be up past my usual 10:00 bed time but the thought of me laying in bed knowing that I should be doing other things stressed me out and opted not to. Instead, I went to the mall to pick out a brand new outfit with all of the kids in tow. A night out means a night not wearing sweatpants. I wish I was kidding!

My oldest stayed at her dads, the two little ones went to my moms and the two older ones went to my mother-in-laws. The first drop off with the little ones went as smooth as could be. The next drop off was tough. As always, I felt guilty because there were many tears. You would think by now I should have this down but I don’t. I think it’s a sign we don’t get out much. We did our best at a drop and run and made it as quick as possible. To dinner we went.

My husband and I got to the restaurant. We were actually the first ones there. We are always late to everything. We sat at the bar and grabbed a drink.  Once everyone arrived, we sat down at our table and enjoyed a peaceful dinner. After dinner, the waiter asked if anyone wanted any dessert or coffee. There was some hesitation but after one person said yes to coffee, we were all in. Yup, if I was going to stay up past my bedtime, I was going to need something strong.

We got to the venue. Remember those days that it was a pain to get carded….yeah well if you are reading this and you still get carded…ENJOY IT!  There will be a day that you no longer get carded. And if you do, it’s probably because the person carding you can tell you are having a bad day.  Walking in, there were a lot of people from all different ages. I was able to see why my 14 year daughter insists that her clothes are cool. While there we all had a couple more drinks. I enjoyed the people watching but the band was just okay. After about two hours we decided to leave. One couple who just recently had a baby went home. The other couple (who happen to be our wonderful neighbors) and my husband and I decided to go to a bar on the way home that my husband and I use to hang out at pre kids. Total flash back. I ran into a couple of people who we haven’t seen in a while, chatted for a bit, it was nice. A little before midnight, I was ready to call it a night.  As we were waiting for the uber, my neighbor joked about going to this other bar. I laughed it off and told him to stop joking. Uber pulls up, we all hop in and start heading home, so I thought. We started heading onto another express way in the opposite direction. I was shaking my head. My husband was very lucky that night he didn’t orchestrate the plan.

Arriving at the next bar, I was exhausted and crabby. Walking into the bar, I noticed very quickly we were the oldest people in there (with the exception of a handful of other folks). My friend and I stood in the corner sipping our water (getting older and having 5 kids, water and I mix better) and just watched. Nothing has changed. The music that was playing was the same music that I was listening to when I was doing this scene. People dancing, grinding (if that’s still what it’s called) but having a good time none the less. But I had enough prancing through memory lane. Time to go. As we start leaving we see our neighbor at the front talking with the owner. Apparently he had lost his credit card and swears that the bartender never gave it back to him.  After a few minutes of conversation and having him triple check his pockets, his wife pulls it out of her pocket. OOPS!

The uber driver was kind enough to take us to Wendy’s right down the street. I was having so much fun re living my twenties, let’s just keep it going. Once we got home, I quickly changed into my sweatpants and ate my burger in my bed (don’t tell my kids).  I was hungry and tired so I figured I would scarf it down and then just pass out. Which is exactly what happened. It was 3:30 a.m. by the time I was done.  My husband and I woke up at 8:00 a.m. and I honestly can’t even remember the last time that has happened but it’s been years. It would have been great to brag about if I had gone to bed at my normal bed time.  The other thing I can tell you is that I can’t remember the last time I had 4 1/2 hours of sleep. Although we had fun with great people, I’m good for a while (probably forever). So for tonight, on the craziest party night of the year, I’ll be at home in sweatpants watching Wonder Woman.

A Blended family

I was 20 when I got pregnant with my first child. My boyfriend and I at the time had been together for four years.  I remember his mom wanting us to get married when we told her the news.  It’s not something I had even thought about nor was it something I wanted to do at that moment in time. We were definitely going to try to make it work but the odds were stacked against us.  I had a job but it’s not like I was making much. He was still going to school and working part-time. We both were still living with our parents. I was scared beyond belief as to how I was going to care for another human being.  My daughter was born 12 days after my 21st birthday. It was a long 24 hours of labor. But I remember how that moment felt when I looked at her. My worries, my fears were there but they were put at ease.

My mom had agreed that I could stay at home while raising her and my boyfriend could visit at any time and we could try to make a go at this. He would come almost every day and leave at night as he had school and work. I started resenting him. I’d be up every night with a screaming baby while he was at home sleeping through the night. I understand now that he did what he could at that time. There were other issues as well but we were young, we were trying to figure out who we were and raise a child on top of all that. When my daughter was 10 months old we split up. It was not easy. We quickly established a schedule for when he would have her. He still wanted to be a part of her life. He would see her twice a week. Once during the weekday and once on the weekend. Both overnight. We also figured out “child support”. I put that in quotations because we never went to court. Neither one of us wanted to. Coming from a divorced family, my mom never talked bad about my father. EVER. Not only would I do the same but I wanted my daughter to know that even though her dad and I didn’t work out, we both loved her tremendously.

I met my now husband when my daughter was two and a half. I was super careful about having them meet. However, he lived right next door to my parents. The two of them bonded instantly. It was so adorable to see. My ex also was dating someone who he ended up marrying as well. In the beginning, with our new blended families, I’m not going to lie, it was work. I think that both my husband and his girlfriend were in awkward situations. Not because we made it awkward. But two things. One, my ex and I had this “co parenting” down (for the most part).  We had our moments but we didn’t fight too much. Normally when you deal with your ex, it’s not pretty. That wasn’t us. That’s because we had a mutual interest which was our daughter. The other thing was during family parties or other gatherings we always invited the other to it. I remember my husband did not understand that in the beginning. He would say that’s just not something you do. I did not understand why he would say that. I get it now looking back on it. It’s overwhelming meeting new family. But now, I’m asking you to get to know someone who I used to date, had feelings with at one point in time and had a kid with. And go hang out with them at a party as if you might be bff’s. I totally get it! It took some getting used to on everyone’s end. It could have gone differently in so many ways.

My oldest is now fourteen and it has been a journey none the less. Her dad still takes my daughter twice a week (it’s now a lot of planning between my daughert’s schedule) My ex’s parents have taken my now eight year old multiple times throughout the summers on days to hang out. It sounds cliché but we do have a great blended family. We all get along. I talk with my daughter’s step mom now more than I have in the past. It’s been hard work through out the years but just like any relationship, it takes work. But it can be done. I wouldn’t change our lives for anything.

 

Taking responsibility for your actions

Having kids range from the age of 1 to 14, it is so different in the “issues” that arise. Take my little ones for example, my days are spent telling them not to touch something or don’t hit your sister. Making sure they are sharing. Having them throw tantrums when they hear the word “No”….ugh….wait, that never goes away. Sorry to break it to you. The tantrums are no longer them throwing screaming fits. It might be the silent treatment the wonderful rolling of the eyes. Fun times ahead, let me tell you.

Here’s the one thing that in this house though that we work on constantly. Taking responsibility for your actions. Do not blame your sister because she was in the vicinity of where you were walking and you tripped and fell and hurt your knee (I’m not joking either, her sister just walked into the next room and I happened to see it). A glass of milk gets spilled at dinner. Guess what? It’s not my one child’s fault for literally bumping the cup over and spilling the milk. It’s my other child’s fault for having her plate too close to the cup. As they get older, it’s different things. I get home from work, I ask how everyone’s day was. One of my older children tell me they did not do so good on a test. My question of course is “how come?” The response was “My teacher did not explain it very well”. Hmmm…let me think about that one for a quick second. “Okay, so the teach did not explain it well. What did you do?” “What do you mean what did I do?” “I mean what did you do to tell the teacher that you did not understand what they were explaining?” “Well nothing.” “Okay, well that’s on you then”. And of course in mommy fashion I ask “Well what are you going to do differently next time?”

One thing that we talk about in this house is nobody will play the victim. Do not blame someone else for your mistakes. We all need to take full responsibility for our actions. When I’m talking with the older girls, I always use examples. “Do you think that I can show up late for a meeting at work at just tell my boss, sorry, I have 5 kids at home?” No. That won’t work.

Life can be crazy and complicated at times. I’m hoping that understanding this lesson can make is a little bit easier for them.

 

9 Minutes in

My husband and I have a few shows that we regularly watch together. Twice a week, we try to sit down to watch our shows. Let me emphasize try. It never fails, we get literally 9 minutes in (and sometimes we are lucky if we get that far) and we have to pause it. “Mom, can you dry my hair?” “Babe, pause it please. I’ll be back in a few”.  I come walking back in the living room. I sit down and we start it again. 7 minutes later, “MOM….MOM…..MMMMMOOOOOMMMM!” We pause the TV again. “Yes Adelynn? Adelynn?” I start to get up. “Nothing mommy” Okay….I sit back down. “Mom….Mom” “Yes baby?” I hear tiny footsteps running through the hallway. “I want wa wa” Okay. “Babe, pause it.” Up I go. I grab a sippy cup, I give her some water and tuck her back into bed. Why is it that I could be doing dishes and no one wants to bother me. Dead silence. Laundry? No one bothers me when I’m doing laundry. But I go to watch TV and everyone needs something. Thank God for DVR….as I know type and wonder how my parents ever watched anything! (more…)

Organizing the kids art

My 3rd grader and kindergartner bring home mounds of paper through out the school year. Lots of graded homework and beautiful artwork. None of my kids have been particularly good with parting ways with their papers. The really cute ones, we put them in their individual filing cabinets for when they get older. We hang some on the fridge but most of them pile up on their desks or bins until we throw them out.   (more…)

To the exhausted mom

My pictures on Facebook of my kids trick or treating were precious. . Looking at them in their adorable costumes melts my heart. It’s amazing though. You wouldn’t know by my posts that the mommy taking the pictures is exhausted. I took the day off of work yesterday to be a “mom helper” at my kindergartner’s school. I got to pop in at my 3rd graders party as well. I enjoyed every moment. I rushed home after the party to straighten up the house as my daughter was having some friends over and my 8 year-old was having a friend and her parent come with us trick or treating. My mom came over at 4:30 to help with costumes since my husband was working until 5.

exhausted mommy (more…)

Making New Traditions

Every year, we normally do an adults only Halloween party. We ended up not doing one this year so I thought it would be fun to do a Halloween fun activity night with the kids. We have two great neighbors that both have kids that are around our kids age and they play all the time together so we invited them over as well. I found some (what looked to be easy) Halloween candy/dessert’s to make. I love to cook but I’m not very good when it comes to baking. They looked so easy and simple, the kids would be able to help. It would be fun. One was a chocolate bowl that looked like a pumpkin and the other were these cute little Frankenstein pretzel chocolates.

I started the chocolate bowls before the neighbors arrived. Since they needed an hour to chill, I figured I would get a jump on it. Melting the chocolate and adding the food coloring. Couldn’t be too hard…right? So I thought. When the neighbors came over, I had already managed to screw up melting the chocolate. It was not as smooth as shown, it was hard and thick. I tried adding oil which I managed to splash on my shirt. I tried adding it to a pot to see if it would get soft which didn’t work. I then added water which seemed to work.  I then got the balloon that was supposed to just stick to the chocolate to cool later. Yeah, not so much. I had three balloons pop right away which was a great laugh for all. My neighbor even tried taking a knife and spreading it. We gave up and tried just adding the chocolate to muffin tins with shot glasses in the middle to create the bowl shape. Needless to say, the kids were not able to help on this one.

Halloween candy

I decided that our next project, I would not be in charge of the chocolate. This one was definitely more kid friendly and all of the kids were able to help out which was fun. Our little Frankenstein candies did not look anything like the pictures but they did turn out cute and I think it was fun for the kids.

Although things did not go as well as planned, the kids and adults had fun. Being able to spend quality time with the kiddos and hopefully making memories as well. I think we might have found a new yearly tradition?

 

Recipe from www.delish.com

 

Week 3 progress

So I missed my Monday update. Having 5 kids and working full-time, some times, things come up. Being a mom took precedence over my blogging yesterday. But I’m back today!! Here’s my week 3 update of getting back to being fit.

As always, my work outs were tough to squeeze in and took some juggling and support from my husband. I was once again only able to do 4 of the 5 work outs.  I will say that I’m already noticing changes even after 3 weeks and it feels great. I’ve been eating pretty healthy during the week and I’ll cheat occasionally on the weekend. (more…)

To the strongest person I know

That warm summer night when I was younger. I remember watching some late night show…maybe M*A*S*H. We had that couch that pulled out to a bed and you let us sleep in the living room that night. The windows were open, the summer breeze blowing the curtains. You were laying next to us. You turned to look ay my sister and I with tears in your eyes asking us to stop getting so big. I look at my 5 children and think the same thing now.  (more…)

Ahhh, today is Monday. Week 2 progress

It is that time again my dear friends! It’s Monday and it’s time to tell you how I did. Where do I start?? Well, I made it to 4 work outs again this week. I’m a little bummed as I should have done 5. However, it was a rough week. Not that it’s an excuse by any means. I know I need to and can do better.

This week was my husbands quarterly meetings so he did not get home until after the kids were in bed this week. Trying to get my work outs in with a 1-year-old and a 2-year-old is nearly impossible. (more…)